


BatPizza

by Chrystie, kate882



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Alternate Universe- Fastfood, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 11:05:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrystie/pseuds/Chrystie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate882/pseuds/kate882
Summary: Steph looked over from where she was taking a phone order. “Your life makes me sad,” she informed Jason, and then her eyes went wide and she hurriedly tried to tell the person on the phone, “oh, no, not you sir- ...and he hung up.”





	BatPizza

“Listen here, if you think I will not jump over this counter and personally fight you, you son of a bitch-” Jason started, only stopped by Dick grabbing him with one hand and covering his mouth with the other. 

“What he meant to say was that we apologize that you found your pizza unsatisfactory, but seeing as you’ve eaten almost all of it, there’s really nothing we can do,” Dick said with a warm smile that, only if one looked close enough could they see that it  was slightly strained.

“I want to talk to your manager. The employees should not be able to threaten me like that,” the man glared at Jason, who held up a middle finger in response which Dick slapped away.

“I believe our manager is busy at the moment, but I can check.” He dragged Jason to the back, still flashing a smile at the customer. “What the hell were you doing?” Dick asked as soon as they were in the secluded kitchen.

“He was being an asshole, I was doing something about it,” Jason answered, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I know he was being an asshole but you know that you can’t threaten to fight people because of that.”

“If you hadn’t stopped me it wasn’t going to just be a threat,” he muttered.

“Hey guys,” Steph poked her head into the kitchen. “He wants to know what’s taking so long on getting Bruce. Also, I want Jason to fight him because he just tried to flirt with me and he’s like fifty, but I really need this job so I can’t fight him myself.”

“Can I fight him now?” Jason asked.

“No, but I will get Bruce to kick him out.” He dragged Jason to Bruce’s office with him so that Jason wouldn’t go back out to fight the customer while he was gone though.

Bruce just looked at him blankly and said, “You’re the manager for the day.”

“No I’m not?”

“For this customer, and any others Jason insults, you are.”

“But I already told him I’d get the manager.”

At that Bruce frowned deeply. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I like dealing with Jason’s fuck ups as much as you do.”

“I'd like to object by saying I don't think it was a fuckup, and also by telling Bruce that this guy is old and tried to flirt with Steph who is a teenager, so he would deserve it if I punched him.”

Bruce’s brow twitched, “Yes, but you’re not going to do that.” Bruce got up, not looking any happier than when Dick and Jason first came in. “I’ll deal with this idiot, but then you have to deal with the rest until we close. Maybe for the rest of the week if I don’t feel like fixing Jason’s mistakes.”

“I don’t see why I should have to fix them,” Dick huffed.

“Can I go now? I have food to make, and Tim is sleeping in the storage room again.”

Bruce waved them both off, heading out to the front ahead of them. “And wake Tim up. He can sleep when I’m not paying him.”

“No way, he's annoying when he wakes up. Wake him up yourself,” Jason told him, heading back to the kitchen.

Dick buried his face in his hands, why were these the people he worked with. Tim used to be a model employee too, but once he saw all the shit Jason got away with he let that fall apart. “I’ll wake him up, just go deal with the idiot before he hits on Steph again.” Bruce wasn’t even listening to him.

* * *

“Guys, guys,” Stephanie pulled Jason and Dick to the side before they could get behind the counter. “I have gossip.”

“Is it gossip I’m going to have to repress?” Dick asked with mild skepticism.

“I don't think so?” She answered. “I don't know what your boundaries are yet, and Jason doesn't seem to have any.”

Jason responded with finger guns.

Dick rolled his eyes at Jason. “Okay, share.”

“Tim is dating the enemy! I saw him holding hands with one of the guys from that other pizza shop across the street,” she told them dramatically.

“Oh thank God, I thought it might be something that would scar me,” Dick breathed a sigh of relief.

“I told you it wouldn't.” She rolled her eyes at him. “Jason, please give me a better reaction, I'm giving you guys some good gossip here. He's dating someone from Super Pizzas.”

“Their pizza isn't that super, and I already knew that. I saw them making out last week.” 

She put a hand to her chest and looked at Jason with wide, offended eyes. “And you didn't tell me?”

“I thought it was boring. I would have mentioned it if I thought you'd find it this exciting,” he shrugged.

“Yeah, Tim asked me for advice when they were still in the flirting stage,” Dick added.

“You're both the worst, and I'm not telling either of you next time I find out something interesting,” she declared.

“Don’t be like that, Steph. If you want gossip then I’m pretty sure Bruce is seeing the manager of Super Pizzas.” Bruce’s excuses of business arrangements only got so convincing.

Her jaw dropped. “Wait for real? What have you seen?” 

“So far nothing completely incriminating, they’re too hyper aware but I’ve caught them alone in Bruce’s office having ‘discussions’ where Clark was definitely too flustered and embarrassed that I walked in on.”

“Oh my god, do you think they're doing the dirty in Bruce’s office?” She asked.

“Ew,” Jason made a face.

“I think they were at least making out in his office, probably only stopped short of some very uncomfortable imagery because I needed something from him.” Dick shuddered just at the thought.

“I don’t think I pay you to talk about what may or may not involve my love life,” came Bruce’s voice from directly behind them.

“Oh uh, hi Bruce,” Dick laughed nervously.

“I haven't clocked in yet,” Jason pointed out. “Steph stopped me before I could. So this is still my time.”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed at him. “Actually that makes you late so it isn’t.”

Jason glanced at the clock. “Wrong. I've still got a minute to clock in.”

“Then go do it before I decide to dock all your pays.” Bruce wouldn’t really. He never went through with the monetary threats. Dick knew it was just because Bruce assumed money would motivate them more, which wasn’t completely untrue.

* * *

Damian strolled into the shop like he owned it, which he kind of did in a sense, and marched straight past the counter and into the kitchen. “Todd, I assume your cooking is still of average standard?”

“Get the fuck out of my kitchen, brat,” Jason answered.

“I believe you mean my kitchen, or what will be mine,” Damian said, glancing around the kitchen and what Jason had done to it.

“I mean what I said. Your dad, the actual owner, gave me full control of the kitchen a long time ago.”

“Then maybe I should test your worth to run this kitchen.” Which was Damian’s way of demanding free pizza.

“If you want food pay up, kiddo,” Jason replied, boxing a pizza and taking it to Cass so she could deliver it.

“I see no point when the proceeds will eventually come back to me.”

“Because some of them also go to me, and I like getting paid for my time.”

Before Damian could retort, Dick walked in because he always tried to diffuse any conflict that happened between Jason and basically anyone who had the potential to speak to him. “Dami! Good to see you.” Dick pulled him into a hug.

“I suppose it’s not terrible to see you as well.” Damian didn’t exactly return the hug, but he didn’t fight it.

“Were you getting lunch? How about it be on me and we can share one?”

“I don’t see why you should when there should be no need for me to pay for what is mine,” Damian huffed.

“It’s good to support your own business, Dami.”

“And tip, because that goes directly to us,” Jason added.

“I’d be glad to tip Grayson, I don’t see why I would ever give you one, Todd,” Damian said with a click of his tongue.

“How about you go get us a table, I’ll be right out.” Dick practically pushed Damian out the door before Jason could try and fight a ten year old. “I’ll give you a tip if you don’t do anything horrible to it,” Dick smiled at Jason.

Jason seemed to weigh his options before shrugging. “Deal.” 

Dick pulled ten dollars from his wallet and slipped it into the pocket of Jason’s shirt. “You should go easier on him, he’s just a kid, he’s still learning.”

“He's a brat, and you know it,” Jason countered, getting out dough for their pizza.

“He’s still learning.”

“Then consider it me teaching him how to act in restaurants.”

“He only does that in this restaurant.” He was still rude to servers though, so that didn’t mean anything.

“Yeah yeah, go waste your lunch break on hanging out with the boss’ spawn.”

* * *

“Dick, I know you're on break, but I think Jason and some guy are about to start throwing punches,” Tim came to the back to tell him.

Dick nearly choked on his bite. “God dammit.” He quickly got up and managed to hold Jason back just before he did manage to punch the man. “I’m sorry sir, but what happened?”

The man didn't answer, instead landing a punch on Jason who didn't so much as flinch. “Dickie, if you don't want to get hurt, you're going to let go of me,” he said calmly.

Dick instead just glared the man. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave before I report you for assault.” He was glad he managed to stop Jason before he could land the first blow at least so that they could be the ones in the right if it came to calling the police.

“He tried to attack me first,” the man said as Jason struggled in Dick’s hold.

“But he didn’t. He only threatened to do so which makes you the sole attacker. Please leave.”

“No no, feel free to stick around. Dick can't hold me forever,” Jason grinned at the man who glared back before storming out.

Dick waited until the man was in his car to droop against Jason’s back, his arm's falling to just loosely cling around Jason’s waist. “Why do you make my job harder? What did I ever do to you?”

“Well for starters you never learned what personal space was,” Jason answered, trying to shrug him off.

Dick let go to lean against the counter. “Why can’t you just leave customers alone? I know a lot of them suck, but you can’t just punch them.”

“I could if you would stop interfering,” Jason muttered.

“I’m trying to keep us from getting sued.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I have pizza to make.”

“I bet you wouldn’t last one day doing my job,” Dick muttered under his breath.

Jason apparently still heard it because he spun around to face Dick. “Oh, because you can cook so great. Go ahead, run it by Bruce. I bet I'll even make more tips than you.”

“How do you plan to do that when you’re busy screaming at customers?”

“Just one day, right?” Jason raised an eyebrow at him. “I can do it. In fact, I bet you my share of the tips this week that I can.”

“That’s not exactly what I had in mind for when I win, but I guess that’s not bad either. Deal.”

“You have to tell Bruce though,” Jason added.

“Of course. I wouldn’t expect you to do that no matter the bet.”

“I want to be there when you tell him though, so let's go,” he said, pulling Dick towards Bruce’s office.

Bruce didn’t look happy to see them. Then again they always had bad news when they went to see Bruce together. “Bruce, we’re switching jobs for the day tomorrow.”

Bruce just glared at them. “Why do you want my business to fail? You both get paid from this business not failing.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Dick waved off, “it’s only for a day.”

“One whole day for you to food poison everyone and for Jason to scare off anyone left over.”

Jason offered Bruce a charming smile. “Hello sir, what can I get for you today?” He asked cheerfully, and then dropped the smile and shrugged. “I'll be fine. It's for a bet. I plan to win.”

Dick felt a shiver run through his spine. “If he’s going to be doing that the whole time then I’m never leaving the kitchen.”

“What? I'm copying you,” Jason informed him.

“Yeah but coming from you it sounds creepy.”

Bruce sighed. “If this place burns down tomorrow I’m firing both of you.” He shooed them out of his office, likely because he just didn’t want to deal with them.

* * *

“Hey, what can I do for you today, ma’am?” Jason asked with a friendly smile.

The woman listed off her order all the while side eyeing Tim, who was asleep at one of the tables. “Why is that boy sleeping there?”

“Oh, Timmy?” Jason glanced at him and adopted a sad look. “He's on break right now. I think it's the only time he's able to sleep safely. His family kicked him out, and he's been living on the street. So of course I'm happy to give him my break too so he can get some rest. I'd let him sleep with me but well,” Jason shrugged. “I don't even have a bed in my place. Minimum wage work and all.” He definitely made more than minimum wage. “Sorry, uh, he's on break probably would have sufficed.” He offered an apologetic smile.

“Oh my goodness,” the woman looked like a worried mother, “you poor boys.” She pulled out thirty extra dollars and handed the bills to Jason. “I know it’s not much, but I hope this helps you boys.”

Jason widened his eyes and shook his head. “Oh no, ma’am, I couldn't possibly take this much of your money,” he protested.

“No, I insist. Life has been hard on you boys. You deserve it.”

“If you're really sure,” he gave her a beaming smile. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

Dick burst out of the kitchen the moment the woman was out of earshot. “I saw all of that and it was disgusting.”

“It got me a thirty dollar tip, and earlier it got me fifty. Judge all you want, I think I'm winning.” Jason grinned at him, putting the money in the tip jar.

“You’re a terrible person. I don’t know why I came out here, I don’t think I want your help anymore.” Dick swiveled around to go back to the kitchen.

“Wait, help with what? What are you breaking in my kitchen?” Jason asked, grabbing Dick by the collar.

“I didn’t break anything,” Dick said indignantly, “I just accidentally put a pizza too far into the oven and don’t know how to get it out and it might be burning. Also I might have accidentally put one on top of a another so they’re glued together now.”

“What? How?” Jason looked at him incredulously.

Even Tim raised his head to sleepily judge Dick. “I'll help. Jason has to do register.” He got up and stretched. “Jay, do you really not have a bed?” He asked.

“I've got a mattress,” Jason shrugged.

Steph looked over from where she was taking a phone order. “Your life makes me sad,” she informed Jason, and then her eyes went wide and she hurriedly tried to tell the person on the phone, “oh, no, not you sir- ...and he hung up.”

All of them smelt the faint odor of burning and Dick let out an “oh shit,” before running back to the kitchen. It was a wonder how he was still messing up when Jason had prepped everything for him beforehand and all he had to do was put the pizzas together.

* * *

The next time Dick came to the front, Jason had ditched his jacket, and was wearing a tank top under it, showing off his arms to some of the female patrons who were definitely appreciating it, and from the looks of their tip jar they were tipping better for it too. He watched the current woman that Jason was talking to drop a five and some ones into the jar as he smiles charmingly at her and complimented her smile.

“You’re a goddamn cheater,” Dick said once the woman was gone. He didn’t look all that upset about it. He actually looked like he was ready to drop some bills into the jar too from how he was eyeing Jason.

“There would have to be more rules for me to be cheating,” Jason answered. 

“Then you’re a goddamn exhibitionist. I can’t believe I wasn’t the one to do this first.“

“All I did was take off my jacket. I don't think you understand what exhibitionism is.”

“Have you seen your arms? Those warrant some type of warning.”

“It's hot in here. Probably because someone,” he looked pointedly at Dick, “was burning things in the kitchen.”

“I tried not to,” Dick said indignantly.

“Doesn't change that you did though.”

“Cooking is hard. I know you’re only holding back from fighting customers because you want to win.”

“You act like that isn't hard.” Jason flashed a smile towards some girls looking at them and they glanced away giggling.

Dick frowned glancing between Jason and the smitten girls. “I hate all of this.”

“Why? Jealous that I'm better at it than you?” Jason grinned at him and it looked more like Jason than the smile he'd given the girls had.

“No, because you’re faking it,” Dick huffed.

“Oh like you never fake it, Grayson.”

“I don’t have to fake it for everyone, mister ‘oh Timmy’s homeless’.”

“I've never seen Timmers’ home.”

“But you should know that he has one.” Dick flicked Jason’s ear.

“You have been to my house multiple times,” Tim chimed in from where he was bussing a table. "You drove me home when my car broke down."

“Thank you, Timmy.” Dick just shook his head at Jason.

“I recall none of them,” Jason blatantly lied.

Dick flicked his ear again. “Stop lying and flirting with the customers. One of them might actually call you out on it.”

“The lying or the flirting? Because most of them seem to like the flirting,” he said with a laugh, that only drew more attention their way.

“Then I’ll call you out on it. Stop flirting with the customers.”

“Why? You flirt with the customers,” Jason countered.

“Wha- no I don’t.”

Steph, Tim, and Jason all looked at him skeptically.

“I don’t!” Dick looked like he really meant that.

“It sure seems like you do,” Steph said at the same time that Tim said, “They seem to think you are.”

“What? No, guys I’m just being nice. I swear.”

No one looked convinced. Duke walked in to get more pizzas to deliver, their delivery service was very popular because people could eat Jason's cooking without dealing with Jason himself, but Steph stopped Duke before he could leave again. “Doesn't Dick flirt with everyone?”

Duke looked between all of them. “This seems like a conversation I don't want to be a part of. So I'm gonna go with yes and leave,” he answered, taking his stack of pizzas with him.

“You’re all the worst,” Dick huffed, “It’s not like I’m openly letting them ogle me or anything.”

“So you bend over so often because…?” Jason trailed off with a smirk.

“That’s incidental.” Apparently Jason hadn’t noticed that Dick only did that when he knew Jason was looking.

“I'm sure,” he chuckled. “Just like it's incidentally too hot for my jacket.”

“You’re not allowed to work out here anymore after today.” The way Dick was still staring at Jason’s arms didn’t make him sound all that convincing.

“I didn't want to anyway,” Jason reminded him.

“Whatever, Jason. I should get back to the kitchen.” It was childish, Dick was aware but it didn’t stop him from swivelling around and exiting the conversation. “And put on a shirt!” He called over his shoulder.

“I'm wearing a shirt!” Jason called back.

“Wear a more appropriate shirt!”

“This is the shirt I wore to work today, I don't have a backup.”

“You’re the worst!” Dick repeated.

* * *

“So, I think I won,” Jason said after they’d closed up and counted the tips.

Staring at the money in Jason’s hand, Dick couldn’t even deny it. “You played dirty, but I guess you still won.”

“So, now that I’ve safely won, what was it you were going to ask for if you won? I considered asking when you mentioned it, but if it was worse than giving up tips and I lost I didn’t want to be committed.”

“I was going to get you to take me out on a date, but it didn’t really feel right if you didn’t actually want to so I settled for tips,” Dick said with a shrug.

“Is  _ that _ why you were acting so weird about me flirting with the customers?” Jason asked.

“You shouldn’t be flirting with customers anyway,” Dick frowned.

“Bruce didn't complain about it.”

“Because Bruce makes me deal with the people part of his job. Teenage girls shouldn’t be allowed to ogle your biceps.”

“Babe, you can just say you're jealous,” Jason smirked at him. “Which is stupid by the way, because I've been into you since I started working here.”

“Then maybe you should’ve said something anytime between then and now instead of torturing me with your smart mouth that I couldn’t kiss.”

“You didn't say anything,” Jason pointed out.

“You didn’t seem interested.”

“I didn't seem-” Jason cut himself off with a laugh. “Everyone except you knew I was interested. Even Bruce made me promise it wouldn't get in the way of work.”

“I’m sorry, what was that mister ‘get out of my personal space’?” Dick pointed stepped into Jason’s space, his arm loosely wrapping around Jason’s back.

“I have a bubble, and you don't seem to understand that,” Jason defended, but he didn't brush Dick off of him this time.

“Maybe this is why you all accuse me of flirting with customers, but you never seem to notice when I’m trying to actually flirt.”

“It's exactly why. I noticed you flirting, but I thought you flirted with everyone.”

“Well I’ve only ever purposefully flirted with one person in this shop,” Dick paused to think about that, “Two when Babs comes by, but that doesn’t count because she only comes here when our system starts acting up.”

“Hmm, well I did just come into some tip money, so I suppose I could take you on a date.”

“A date would be nice. You see, I’ve had a rough day of having to stare at you in this barely-a-shirt and couldn’t do anything about it.”

“It is a tank top. A very normal shirt,” Jason rolled his eyes.

“You damn well know that it’s distracting. It’s why you wore it.” Dick had admittedly found his eyes wandering away from whatever he was doing a lot just to watch Jason work.

“I wasn’t trying to distract people. Just get them to give me money. I almost borrowed one of Tim’s crop tops, count yourself lucky. He said no though because he said I’d stretch it out.”

And that had Dick very interested. “What if I were to get you your own crop top?”

“I wanted to use it to win, now I don’t need to.”

“What if I were to get one for you anyway?”

“I wouldn’t wear it to work. I work in a kitchen. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to wear it to work.”

“You can’t convince me that you don’t already own at least one crop top.”

“You two can discuss this outside. I’d like to go home sometime tonight,” Bruce called from his office.

“We’ll think about it,” Dick called back, but was already pulling Jason towards the back where they kept their things.

* * *

The next day Tim walked in on them making out in the back room and immediately stormed into Bruce’s office demanding a raise.


End file.
